Monday, May 07, 2007


Sometimes I wonder how I look like, but cannot imagine. When I see my reflexion in the mirror, I take a step back and ask who is that person. I don't imagine myself looking like that. I am just thinking how a mirror could be so wrong. Same phenomenon happens with cameras. I don't look anything like that in my mind.

Why do I think the way I do? Why do I call myself me? When I die, is there going to be another person thinking of who I am? Looking at herself in the mirror wondering who is that person? Does this new person know this era, or is she in a distant future? Is she going to be worried about the future for her children, if she has any?

Back to me. When I work on a project for a long period, as in three weeks or more, every day, I start staring at it, and get numb. The brain has frozen from over-processing. There is no inspiration left. The work seems to have a purpose for never ending bliss. I feel guilty starting anything new, because I have promised myself to have this project done in no time. The "no time" has developed into an unexplainable and frustrating eternity.

I made the promise to myself, so any excuses are not going to work for me. I cannot tell myself that I have had a busy day at work, I have had a headache so I couldn't work. This is not going to work, even when I stand in front of the mirror and ask the person in front of me "what happened" the person is not going to be kind and forgiving, the person is going to tell me to get back to the project and stop thinking of why we are what we are.

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